The perks

(Photograph from http://weheartit.com/entry/44255552/via/Love_Images_Coffee )

I began Stephen Chbosky's 'The Perks of being a Wallflower' yesterday and stayed up all night reading it. I finished it today. It's been on my bookshelf for four months and I only picked it up yesterday because the film will be out soon and I didn't want to see it without reading the book. I didn't expect it to affect me the way it has, of course I'd heard that it was a good book but I honestly didn't expect too much from it as I've had a sort of disappointing run with books lately. It pulled me in though. I felt like I was 17 again, and I've never loved being an age more than I loved being 17. Some parts felt invigorating, where others made me feel sad not only for the characters, but for the way I've lived my life. I'm afraid that I'm a little bit of a wallflower. Sticking to the edges, choosing to be empathetic so as not to do anything that may put somebody else out. You know that scene in 'Grease' where they're at the dance and there's that one shot of all the girls sitting on the sidelines looking sad? Then that one girl gets asked to dance and she floats away, leaving her comrades behind- I am one of those girls. Or I was. I like to observe, and I want to 'participate' in life like nothing else in the world and I do, at times. But I feel like it isn't quite enough. 

I related to Charlie increasingly throughout the book. It scared me somewhat. But it did something else for me. As I read the book in the bath last night, I took a moment to look up at the ceiling and ponder on what I'd just read. The shifting light reflection of the water on the ceiling was hypnotic and I could hear the sounds of shouts over loud music as my neighbour had a party. I haven't been to parties in a long time. It made me sad. Perhaps I am too complacent in my shyness.
But that isn't something I can't fix. I will fix it, as much I feel i need to. I will do the things that i want to and worry about problems when they arise.